Pretty Boxes

I don’t want to read my pain
So, why would I want to write it?
Why would I want to open a door
I forever want closed?

Why think of where
The key lingers
To that dark door?

Steps that echo
Lead you there
To a room no sound
Escapes

Memories folded neatly
Into boxes sealed
Held breath between pages
A look away stare

No, I’d rather these pages bare.
Why speak of sorrow
When the morning brings rain?
Why the mind slips so
To yesterday?

For a wound cannot heal
Unaddressed
It festers behind locked doors
And escapes words in anger

The pages turn to fury
The boxes scream and rattle
The air itself burns
Through too fast exhales

The body breaks in the burden
Of carrying the weight;
The room nobody
Should ever have
Been made to make.

Love leads to courage
A hand that grabs for the key
And lets all the pages fly
Upon the soar of release’s wings

The mind no longer slips
As fresh air enters
The heart's tomb
Alive once again
To breathe.


-Angel Marie Russell

Thrive

May 22, 2017

I've got a ceaseless
Desire to thrive,
To come out of hell
More alive
Than dead,
Full of hope, more
Than dread.

I want to build the foundation
Over again.
I want to smooth all the wrinkles
In my timeline
And fill each
Splendiferous crack with
Sparkling golden wonder.

I am the flame that once I sought.
I am the spark forged iron wrought.
I am the keeper,
The hoped for,
The one who becomes.
And gladly when gone awry
I melt, break apart,
I become once again
Undone.

-Angel Marie Russell

Mariposa

~Mariposa~
When we echo out
Of the cocoon,
Less the old,
And more new,

With eyes slitted,
Winking awake to find
Our reflection 
Obliterated. 

What came before here?
What strange creature
Stands before me?
A stranger me, 
And far more beautiful.

But who is this,
That is I,
This unknowable new, 
This timid glance at all,
That's changed?

And who is this 
Thing of beauty,
Staring back just as me,
Who stares behind a face
I barely recognize 
Who is me?

And in those eyes
In the mirror I see,
Wonder, shock, and fear.
How can this that I see
Be?

How can I,
But a creeping and crawling thing,
Transform thusly, 
Extravagant, winged, and free. 

How can it be that I,
Caterpillar, could dare to
Dream of the stars, 
And learn to fly?

How is it that I
Could be staring back
At all this beauty, at this self, 
And it be me?

With all these thoughts, 
My wings have dried
From their birth of cocoon shell,
And I feel them unravel,
I feel them and for the first time, 
I really feel. 

And my feet lift 
One by one, 
Toes tipped up and off 
The ground.
And the Earth unfolds beneath me
The sky unhindered 
By blades of grass, 
And I soar untethered,
Alive,
Anew,
And free
And as ever, 
More and truly, me.
-Angel Marie Russell

Self Love

May 10, 2018

~Self Love~
How does one love the self
That was taught to loathe the self?
How does one find the line within
Where loathing leaves
And love begins?
How does one see beauty 
Staring back without falling in?
How does one find balance
Between love and ego?
The psyche, the Id.
I started by seeing,
I can love freely for the other.
I can find love in the eyes of strangers,
I see the potential there, the spark,
The beauty of all beings, 
On this our planet,
Mothership and arc.
I can see worthiness,
In every battered soul,
For love, both real and lasting,
Encompassing all. 
So, perhaps, If I saw myself as other,
I could catch a whiff of that.
I have inherent worth,
Just as they that catch my eye.
I too am precious and fleeting,
I too am wholly made,
Both beauty and broken, 
And worthy just the same.
As all the beating hearts 
That in unison cry out,
Love me,
Love me,
Please just love me.
Oh but tiny heart,
I see you within my lonesome chest,
Beating hard and true as ever,
The same sad and love sick tune.
Love me,
Love me,
Please just love me.
And who am I to deny you,
What you are already due,
This love, my love, 
My noble and faithful heart, 
Why truly I can,
Love you 
Too. 
So, I see myself as other, 
And in doing find a love
I thought was lost.
Not of ego, or worship, but of joy.
That I too am a noble creation,
And this voice of mine 
That speaks vile,
Is speaking only lies,
Because no one deserves such hatred,
Surely not to me, from myself and I.
Love is a thing of beauty, 
And we all carry the tender light.
What voice do you let conquer,
The little whimper within?
Love me, 
Love me,
Please just love me.
-Angel Marie Russell

When did my heart
Stop singing?
When did the bird
Lose it’s song?
Why have I gone
Mute?
Where once there were
So many words.

When did the weight
Become so heavy?
I struggle to still
Carry its load.
When did the world
Become so bleak,
That I withered,
A rose in winter,
A dry lake bed.

Speak Through Silence

~Speak Through Silence~

There is a silence
After speaking
A quiet thick like paint
After a secret slips,
After the truth
Finds its way out of the mouth
Or pen.

And I find it takes bravery
To speak in spite of the silence.
It takes bravery to face
All that may come,
Including the retreat
Of the one’s you loved.

And I can see confusion,
Melancholy,
Even pity in some of their eyes,
Worry furrowed in their brows.
But for the ones that truly see
They catch the whisper
Of my wings
And watch with admiration
As I rise.

Yes, there is silence,
But, so is there stillness
In the breeze,
As I lift off the ground
And into all of me,
No longer held
By secrets
That only kept me down.

Find the words and speak them
Despite the quite that stands
Between you and them.
Speak with love, the truth of
All that is inside
And give another silent soul the
Words on which to fly.

-Angel Marie Russell

Be You

September 28, 2018

There are those in this world
Who will stop at nothing
To keep you feeling weak.

Do not give them
Your power.

Do not allow them
To push your radiance aside.

Do not say yes to pressure
When your soul screams no.

Run far from oppression.
Run fast and furiously
In the direction of your heart
and above all,

Remember your power.
Step into your purpose,
and unequivocally refuse
To let them tell you
Who you are.

Be true.
Be free.
And ever and always.
Be you.

-Angel Marie Russell

Shine Bright

Use your energy wisely
Where do you feel drained?
How can you reclaim
The parts of you lost
To another's realm.
Reclaim what is yours.
Yes, needs make us, at times,
Participate in things
That leave us feeling ungrounded.
We may have to walk
That long hall alone
To reach the end,
To see light once again.
But do not allow
Anything to take more of you
Than you allow.
State your intention clearly
To yourself and the ethers,
"This is mine.
You may not keep it.
You may not lay claim,
Or ownership,
To what was never yours.
And you will never own me.
I say who I am.
I define my yeses and no's.
They may need adjustment at times,
And that's okay.
But you will never keep me
In a box,
I am meant to outgrow.
I am me.
And I am mine.
And nothing and no one can own
My shine."

-Angel Marie Russell

Shine bright little stars. 🙏🌠