Angel Marie Russell

The soliloquies of my heart
Speak of mountain tops
Covered in whispers of snow
Like gentle blankets holding water
For newborns in Spring
It speaks of the passing clouds
Bouncing sunbeams into rainbows
And a child’s first cry
Harkening to the love held in a
Thousand lives before

My heart knows the beauty held
In every tender gaze between lovers
In passing
It knows of song birds flying high
Lifted like petals from stems
Singing enraptured with every new day
And my heart erupts with the knowing
Of love for this life

But such a heart like mine
Knows too
The hold of despair
The breath of shadow
Looming over each life
The darkness that despair can impart
In the quiet spaces of rest

It is not my weakness
That shares both beauty and pain
It is not defeat
With which sorrow
Leaps from my lips
To other sensitive hearts
It is my honor
My faith
That when sorrow makes a visit
Mine is the heart that doesn’t shy away
Or find guilt or shame
Even darkness I embrace
Not to celebrate
But validate
I see you
Come out of the shadows and be held

For our shadows hold wounds
Our pain has writ a story in tears
And to its story I have listened
And through my own tears
I share
For I know the beauty of this life isn’t
Left only to light
It is through many tear filled sagas
I have found that darkness too
Needs light

So I no longer banish it but let it sing
It’s human song
That my heart knows beauty, passion
Melody and brushwork paint
My heart knows a thousand sonnets
And a thousand broken feelings
And I hold each as tenderly
As if each were a newborn calf
I hear you
I see you
I love you

I am rooted in love for this world
Light and dark both
I am rooted in love for myself
Light and dark both
Do not let my willingness
To share my pain
To sit with it
To tell its story
Cause you to recoil
Worry or doubt
Do not let
My love for all my hurting parts
Make you think
I need a way to banish the pain.
For I welcome all of me
I love every part.
It is in feeling
I find poetry
In my own tender heart.

-Angel Marie Russell

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