Water

Yes life can make you
Split apart
But we are made of water
And can coalesce
Once more

-Angel Marie Russell

Advertisements

Too Much

Yes, you are too much.

You are too much as the
Sun is too hot
For tender flowers.

You are too much as the
Sea is brilliant and vast.
You are too much as the
Canyons that plummet deep,
And ominous.

You are too magnificent
To be small,
Too passionate
To be meek,
Too beautiful
To be otherwise.

You are the legend of space;
That life sprung forth in matter
From the stars that birthed and
Burned, breaking down into
Carbon,
That ignites the force of life
Within your veins.
Your blood pulled by the moon
Wild with intent, to create more beauty, as you were created,
Endless.

So, yes.
I’d say that you are too much,
In the same way the sea
Swallows the cliff
And splashes up and over,
Cleaning all swiftly away.

All this I see and yes, the
Brilliance is indeed too much
For my mere mortal view.
And my breath is arrested,
Short at the sight of
Sun on your hair,
And at the storms I see
Waiting to wash away pain
In your eyes, just there…

My, oh how truly magnificent,
It is indeed too much,
For my humble witness
To bear.

-Angel Marie Russell

Attraction and Love

Attraction and love are not the same.
Attraction often pours out from a wound begging to be healed.
If we feed the wound with more abuse the wound continues to bleed.
If we follow attraction blindly we never allow the stitches to set.
We keep ripping it open.

Where does attraction begin and why?
By nature abuse survivors may be attracted to abuse.
Love is not a drug. Love heals.

Love gives us the space and time to mend.
This is why we must learn to find love for ourselves.
Can you say I love you in the mirror?
We all deserve to stop bleeding.

Love can guide us true.
Once healed we attract and are attracted to what heals us.
This is how love gives us wings.

Chasing love like a drug is a temporary high.
Gravity remains constant and the plummet is inevitable.

-Angel Marie Russell

Weight

I used to carry the weight
Of every person, animal, or insect
That I met.
I used to cradle,
Hold, and lament 
The pain with which they
Paced.

I used to want to take it from them
And sometimes even did.
The pain, you see,
Was as real to me
As they,
And I lifted it from them truly,
I even saw some grin.

And I never saw my own back sway
Under all the extra weight.
I never took a worry
From the heart I had that wept
At seeing all the other’s burdens,
And all of their guilt and shame too.
So, even under all the parcels I coddled
Of each and every one of their pains,
Like the weight of a thousand suns.
I was determined to cross the desert,
For them,
I too asked to take their
Blame
To soothe their blasphemous shame.

And I, under the lake
Of many a souls tears
Swam with a tether
To each and every one of their aches and fears.
And I named myself their barer.
I named myself their carer.
I named myself the supplicant offering
To a Godess that allows all this
Pain
Sweeping everyone of Her creatures over, under, and asunder.

And Goddess plucked me up
Out of the ocean of pain
She gave my shoulders
A gentle rub and then a gift of
A glorious pair of wings.

And She let me fly to see more
Than just the worst of things
She taught me how to fly
In, through, below, and above.

She taught me my own power
Of speed, and tact, and grace.
She taught me all about love
Hers for me and me for all of man, plant, and animal kind.

Daughter, I did not make you
To suffer
Burdens that were never yours.
I never made you to ache
With a burn from a thousand suns.
I didn’t make you to suffer.
I made you to love you.
You, alone,
Are the only one
Of your kind
And as such beautiful, perfect, and oh so kind.

So, please lay down your
Martyrdom
Lay down your pain from their pain
And see my daughter
It is together you rise.
It is in love
A bridge that binds
You to me,
And you to they,
And it is ever truly only love
That can find the way
To give sight to the blind.

So, lay down your penance,
Look up and use your wings.
Fly above, below,
Within and without.
Fly when you’re sorrow filled.
And fly when you feel doubt.
And fly until you forget your
Worrysome things.
And don’t forget your love,
My love.
For it is love that truly guides
All My creatures, from the largest,
To the tiniest of beings.
It is love that heals the suffering
And brings peace to all things.
It is and has always been Love
That is the point of things.

-Angel Marie Russell

Release

The answers are within you.
Release judgement
Over yourself.
Release the voice
Of fear.
Seek the voice
Of love.

It may seem impossible
But if you start by feeling it
Instead of fear
It’s voice will get louder.
You have the ability to
Learn the true nature
Of love
Within you.

You need merely
Believe you have
This power.
Do not doubt your worth.
Do not doubt that you
Were made to know love.

It is only fear that desires
You to remain stagnant,
Never venturing beyond
What fear knows.
And what does fear know?
It tells you
You are weak, less than,
worthless.

These are lies.
Release fear.
Thank it for its warnings,
But take the reins back
And ride towards love.
You will find it.

If you have to
Take fear with you.
It will learn the
true nature of love too.
Fear likes to shout
But do not let it rule.

You are the ruler
Of your inner realm.
Release the rule of fear
And seek love.

-Angel Marie Russell

Things I Miss

The Quitsa Strider unfinished, Angel Marie Russell

Things I miss,
And for which I am grateful,

The key strike
Of a nine foot concert piano
Crisp and anguished
Alone in the dark
Of a piano store
I once worked.

The mountain pass where
Wildflowers burst abloom
In fragrant symphony
After a strong rain
In the high desert

The road long and continuos
Laid out before me
Beckoning for more beauty
Adventure
And rest just ahead.

Getting lost on purpose.
To find my way back
Once again.

Running full speed
Through cold air
As tears run
Streaks
Along my temples.

Finding a real and true bed
After not knowing
Where or when
I would lay my head
In peace
And safety.

The moment when playing
Trumpet with others
I became lost,
At one with sound
And transported
Along its wail
As if my soul
Departed thorough its bell.

The stillness
And quiet
Of being lost in a moment
Especially
When lost in
Another’s eyes.

Watching crickets
Jump
Higher than I could
Ever imagine
As a girl
Scabs and dirt
Adorning my knees.

My first taste of
New York Pizza,
German sausage
In a lay over in Hamburg,
Creme brûlée,
And Seattle espresso
Wide eyed
Lost in rapturous
Delight.

New socks and underwear
After touring
In dirt
Grime
And the smell
Of city bars.

Peeing standing up
At CBGB’s
Because it was punk
As fuck.
Playing bass in NYC.

Screaming loud
Over a riotous girl band
Because I had to
Release that somewhere.

Holding my puppies
For the first time.

Meeting my idol
And having him back away
Slowly
To escape the
Crazy in my eyes.
Enraptured
I verbally vomited
Adoration.

Seeing the snow fall
For the first time,
Watching it collect on trees
And my eyelashes.

Frostbite.

All the times I loved and lost.

The colors of sunset.
The smell of the wind on the ocean.
The song of birds
Following boats
Out to sea.

That same green boat
There as the day before.

Walks in moonlight.
Motorcycles through parkways
Single speed
Bicycles through car tunnels
Driving way too fast
On racing tires
Modified Ford.

The smell of car grease
And gasoline.
My grandmothers cookies
And grandpa’ Gin and tonics.

My fear of ghosts
Basements,
Scary movies,
And men.

Best friends.
Endings
Beginnings.
Pain
Love

Yes, life
I would do it all again.

 

-Angel Marie Russell

Please consider making a donation: